this weather makes me want to cry.

i was sorely tempted to wear a hat, mittens and down vest on my walk to work today.
the only thing that stopped me was the thought of lugging all that stuff home by this afternoon.
when it had warmed up to a respectable august temperature.
summer on the north shore, folks.

i had the best dinner ever last night.

a generous co-worker gave me fresh green beans from her garden.
boil about an inch of water in a pot.
drop in green beans with the little curly ends cut off.
boil uncovered to desired tenderness [i left mine pretty crunchy].
drizzle with olive oil, lemon juice and salt and pepper.

seriously, i could eat it every day for the rest of my life.

right now i am knitting like a crazy person in hopes that i will finish my sweater in time to wear it this fall.
oh wait, who am i kidding...it will be comfortably wearable for at least the next ten months.
and, actually, would have been comfortably wearable every day this summer except for a few days last week.

the experience of knitting it has been fun, and i have discovered a few things about myself:
i get motion sickness if i try to knit and watch a movie at the same time.
i understand why people pay $70 for a premade sweater [although it is, of course, about the experience, not the ultimate cost].
if i was selling this thing when i was done it would be perfectly fair to charge at least $400.

soon i will have a new, grey, hooded, cable sweater.
hooray!

i think this whole new habit thing might actually be cultivating an addiction.
although, what's the difference, really?

i am trying to start a habit.
i read that it takes 21 days to establish a habit.
as in, if a person does something for at least 15 minutes for 21 days straight, by the end of the 21 days it will seem strange to our complicated little minds to not do it.

so i am trying to make myself start running consistently again if my ankles and knees will have it.
since moving from mpls i haven't been keeping up with running very well [oh, how i miss the trails along the mississippi river].
it really helps to be moved into town where i have choices beyond:
1. run on the highway
2. run on croftville

i am on day three.
we will see how this goes.

it also necessitated buying new running shows b-c i am long overdue for a new pair.
they should come next week, and hopefully they don't suck like the asics gel 3000s did.
[the new, improved version of the gel empires you say? rubbish.]

here's the deal.
i hate pontiacs.
with a burning passion.
i'm not sure how this deep seated loathing developed.
i think it has something to do with the ridiculous number of people who live in small towns that seem to LOVE them.
there's probably a 50/50 chance that anyone i went to high school with drove a grand am or a grand prix.
[oh, that awful stripey back bumper. shudder.]
where i grew up it was kind of a flag for a certain mentality.

this is a huge generalization, i know it's not true across the board, but it's just an association i have.

[if you drive a pontiac and take offense to this, i'm sorry. i'm sure you're not a bad person. if it helps any, i drive a vw (albeit an old one) which fits right into that loathsome hipster stereotype]

but here's my point--i have been considering the pontiac vibe as a future car possibility.
granted, the vibe is probably the most un-pontiacy pontiac there is [basically a toyota in wolf's clothing], but i am having a hard time reconciling with my attraction to that car.
it's a good size, it comes in AWD [might be nice], and it's way better looking than the atrocious toyota matrix.
a station wagony thing just seems more practical than a car.

if only i could afford a volvo C30.
drool.

seriously server?
is it really necessary to use the little searchy flashlight thing when the files are RIGHT THERE.
you have accessed them instantly every other time, and suddenly you decide that it requires a lengthy search to find them?!

we are having server problems at work.
which really screws up any sort of flow to the day--i live in fear of a crash and loss of labor.
and i have developed a nervous tic causing me to compulsively hit the ctrl+s keys.
and everything takes like half an hour to save.


a new server is in the works.
thank god.



i am currently reading the sword in the stone.
i didn't even know it was actually a book.
[yes, i am part of the disney generation]
it's pretty light, but can probably be considered a classic of some sort.
and i am quite amazed, after reading the first few chapters, how spot on disney managed to make the animated characters.
it's going to be a good read.

The fog comes
on little cat feet.

It sits looking
over harbor and city
on silent haunches
and then moves on.

-Carl Sandburg


after lots of rain we're socked in.
i'm not sure, exactly, that i want it to go away.
there's something comforting in the closeness of this hazy air.

but the foghorn sounds its warning endlessly.

hooray!
for some reason, for about 4 years i have really wanted a pair of boots.
flat, brown boots that you tuck your jeans into, or which look perfect with a skirt.
[granted i never wear skirts, but i have been working on that.]
i have regretted for 4 years not buying the perfect pair of flat, brown eddie bauer boots on sale for $70.
i talked myself out of it with some stupid reason like "i would hardly wear them anyways, so maybe i should spend the money on food."
well...if i am still thinking about them 4 years later, then maybe i should have caved.
so, last fall i spied these in a catalog:



but they were $170.
i was not about to spend 1/3 of my rent on them.
so i google shopped them repeatedly and watched the price drop, but never in my size or at a palatable price.
[and it was really easy to talk myself out of them.]
then they were on sale! for $114! in my size!
but i told myself no, there are better things to spend your money on.
and then they were gone.

and i regretted it.

yesterday i looked them up again, and they were back on the site in my size and i have enough tip money from sailing to afford them [tip money is designated for purchasing special things].

they are on their way.


yesterday i made lemony zucchini goat cheese pizza for dinner.
it was good, but i would not recommend putting half again as much cheese on it just because it comes packaged that way.
and i burnt the heck out of the roof of my mouth.
next up: zucchini bread!

the best sound ever: seagulls walking on pavement.
they always seem so grave and determined, i can only imagine they are annoyed by the sound of their own footfalls as their little webbed feet slap slap slap along.

today i am having major issues with focus.
i am getting nothing accomplished and i just want to go home and take a nap.
or sit in the sunshine and eat some ice cream.

on friday i made the mistake of running 5.5 miles after not running consistently for about 3 months.
i am still regretting it, but i am excited that i can now do the fall river road run without a commute.
i saw a painted turtle on the way down the hill and it made me irrationally happy.
i think the term snout was coined with turtles in mind--their little pokey noses embody everything that the word suggests.

we watched fireworks from the breakwall which is always a treat because they go off literally over you head.
it's like watching them with 3-D glasses [minus the glasses]--they're not flat against the sky, you are essentially inside of them.
fortunately we did not get hit by any falling embers.

i might be going to greece [or some other very pleasant place] this winter for two weeks, all expenses paid.
someone we took sailing wants to employ nathanael and i to charter a boat in some far flung location.
they rationalized that if we went with a 57-foot beneteau it would be perfect because we would each get about 20 feet of boat.
i agreed emphatically.

i made mini soft pretzels on friday, they turned out great.
the only bad part is you have to eat them all within 2-3 days, so i have been subsisting on white flour all weekend.

the first 7-day workweek of the summer and already feeling sleep-deprived, but maybe this will be my year: my legs may just get tanned.

i ran over to the co-op for lunch/afternoon snack today and the weirdest thing happened.
a guy held the door for me.
in grand marais.
yeah.

not only that, but he was coming up the ramp to get in, so he went to the trouble of crossing in front of me to open the door and allow me to walk in first.
wow.
i did make it back to the office though, so i guess i have recovered from the shock-induced paralysis.

that's just not normal around here.

now that i have the internet at my house i blog less.
[i do feel a little more human, but i blog less.]
unfortunately, i don't think i will ever make it back to the glory days of blogging on myspace and xanga.
fortunately, i don't think the world will really notice.
so we're all happy in the end.

here's the thing about deadlines.
they suck.

but they are a fantastic motivator.
often i get pushed right up against them--like really, uncomfortably close, to the point my nose starts to flatten a bit.
but after i finish up whatever it is, i feel like i could just about fly.

i am all moved.
it took a very stressful weekend, but it's done.

...

i feel like i can breathe again.

i have room.
i can't see my whole entire living space from one spot.

there is light.
the walls and ceiling are not pine-paneled and therefore do not suck up every ounce of light that enters.

it feels like home.
i am not even all unpacked yet and it feels like home.

it inspires me.
there are projects i want to do--can do there.
i have even started a list!
after 1.5 years of living at my old house, i never once felt inspired to work on anything.

...

and it took getting out of my old space to realize all this.
with that perspective i realize my old house has something off about it--something lifesucking and uncomfortable.

i am so glad i am no longer there.

do i seriously fit into size 2 pants these days?
that hasn't been the case since, oh...about 9th grade.
but, 3 exchanges later [by mail. joy.] here i am, wearing size 2 ae jeans.



either this is clear cut evidence of MAJOR vanity sizing [likely], or my diet's lack of high fructose corn syrup has done miraculous things.

it leaves me wondering, what do truly tiny people do?
maybe that explains the advent of the ridiculous size "00".

i move in four days!
there it is, big and orange, in all caps on my calendar: MOVE
it will be a bigger house, proximity to town will make things walkable, cheaper rent, the water will be drinkable, my cell phone will work, i will be able to get internet.
so, basically i will be moving into the 21st century.
it's about time.

first i have to figure out how to get my lawn mowed.
the lawnmower i normally use is broken.
i may have to grovel before my neighbor--or pay someone else to do it.
now that would be hoity-toity.

on another note: why is it feeling like early spring up here...in JUNE?!
yes, it's a northerly area, but this is uncalled for.
some vitamin D would be nice.

saving money is hard.
it's even harder when it's an exorbitant amount.
like, enough for a big, fat down payment on a new car.
behold:



well, that's what i'm hoping for anyways.
a 2005 honda civic [pre-ugly new body style].
this all depends on whether or not a decent one happens to be floating around the duluth car market come fall.
and whether or not i have achieved my monetary goals.
we shall see.

yesterday i read snakebit by leslie anthony.
we got a review copy, and i decided for once i would actually read a book before writing the review.
it's this guy's memoir--he's a herpetologist--and it was great reading for a 65+ degree day on the deck.
[it also reminded me about how one year i wanted to be a jesus lizard for halloween. how do kids come up with this stuff?]
i recommend it--a good dose of reptilian science with anecdotes that entertain, but make me glad i don't chase snakes for a living.

i am going to knit a sweater.
it will be my first "big" project since matt's mittens [scarves don't count anymore].
i'll post pictures when i'm done, but according to the blogs of myriads of other people who have knitted the same one, it should turn out fine.
it's a hooded cardigan with cables, pretty darn cute i think.
it will be nice to have a project again!

we sent out the pdfs for the sailing brochures yesterday.
i must say, it's a bit of an improvement over last year's.
[take that, mean marketing lady. we don't need you.]
they're trifold brochures, so you have to imagine them folded, but here they are...

this is the front (far right), back (middle) and inside right flap (left)



and here's the inside:



not too shabby, eh?
kind of makes you want to hop on the boat and head out onto lake superior.

and last of all, here's a good pic of yesterday.
reading snakebit after a 23-mile bike ride on our first real summery day.
and i've got a sunburn to prove it--the awesome burnt legs below the bike shorts look. hooray.
[you've got to enjoy those days while you can. today it's gray and like 40 degrees].

sometimes you just have those days
where you wonder what the heck am i doing?
[they are usually bad days]

i cannot wait to someday have my own washer and dryer.
then i can wash and dry these jeans repeatedly on HOT and HOT and maybe they will shrink to the point where they actually fit for longer than the first three seconds after i put them on.

i hate my car.
yes, car, i hate you.
this week i have spent more money on keeping you healthy than i have spent on keeping myself healthy for the last three months [including food] or the last five years [not including food, but including healthcare].
but please keep working.
at least until i get to santa fe and back.

i love my bike.
all it asks is a little air in the tires [free], some grease on the chain [$8 outlay...four years ago] and a willingness for me to get off my lazy butt.
so it's economical and good for me.
go figure...not many things in the world fit into those two categories.

i have a little list on a post-it note in my desk of things i want.
totally irrational and unnecessary things [mostly] that i should not spend money on.
if something is on the list long enough i usually lose interest, but sometimes with the internet at my fingertips and a credit card in my bag i lose control.
here's what's on the list now:

Patagonia Rain Shadow Pant



these would be good for biking, so they are somewhat rational.
and it's not like i would be wearing them for fun, so maybe they even qualify as a need.

Isis Lucky Stripe Vest



yes, i already have a down vest...it's even the same brand.
but i wear it every day. really.
it would be nice to be able to mix it up a bit.

EMS Audobon Shirt



it's cute.
and summer is coming.
and it's organic cotton, so maybe i'd be helping the earth a little bit?

J. Crew Convertible Swing Dress



yes, i know.
i know, i know, i know.
i never ever actually wear dresses.
but that's because i don't buy them because they cost an arm and a leg and you can wear a dress, what....one month out of the year here?
not the greatest return on that investment.
but this one can be a dress or a skirt (double for your money!) and it looks comfortable.

if only i had a lot of money.
sigh.

Whales of Superior
Loose low and resonant calls
Nosing frozen sky

a recent trip to the "big city" provided me with the following acquisitions:

blender.
(yummy soups and smoothies--come to me!)

very blingy new cell phone.
(in spite of my dislike for flip phones, it was that or a way over-techy blackberry thing...i went for the blingphone that has a snazzy mirror on the front when the screen is off)



2 boxes of extra polar ice gum.
it comes in weird new "slim packs."
hopefully they didn't reduce the actual amount of gum, but i have a bad feeling about it.

a chinese v-day meal that actually turned out to provide five meals.
(sesame chicken!)

and about $80 worth of other things from target.

it's a little odd when you have to buy all of your basics in a different city.
you either end up way stocking up or running out of stuff--a four hour round trip for face lotion is not going to happen on the spur of the moment.
i have become the queen of extensive lists.

i should really get out and ski more.
i just hate that cringing, miserable feeling of being so cold.

most mornings my car and i have a little chat.
if it's really cold out i talk to it nicely, then congratulate it with a pat on the dashboard when it starts.
if it has been recently washed i remind my car how well i treat it, in hopes that it will reciprocate.
when my driveway is icy, i coax my car along, talking to it sweetly while lightly feathering the gas pedal and clutch.
so far i've never gotten stuck.

but sometimes these discussions are more serious...
like one evening when the dash lights stopped working altogether.
("no officer, i'm sorry, i really don't know how fast i was going.")
i tried to talk it into reviving itself, and when that didn't work a couple good smacks to the dashboard would get things back into working order.
until one day when the light stayed permanently dark.
that's when i started to wonder what my car has against me.
(helpfully, the clock and odometer remain independently illuminated, so at least i can know how far i've gone and how long it has taken)

most recently my car has taken to trapping me inside.
as in, the driver's door won't open from inside the car.
so far this only happens occasionally, so it's always a surprise.
will i be able to get out of my car this time, or will i have to crawl over the center console and emerge, rumpled, from the passenger's side?
if i can't get out i sit there for moment, raise my eyebrows and simply ask, "really, car? really?!"

maybe there's a life lesson here.
maybe my car is really a vehicle driving a heightened appreciation for life.
it makes me stop, reflect a bit, and appreciate the simple things that i normally take for granted.
like being able to get out of my car the easy way.

i came home wednesday night and stopped dead in my tracks on the way to the door.
the air was filled with a dense crackling.
like the rattling of dried beetle husks or empty nutshells, but with the weight and crashing density of boulders.
raw and violent, it was the heaving lake joining ice with ice.
with each rolling wave, the water fracturing and bursting into countless tiny fragments of itself.

hello hello.
test test.